Oh Manna Men

GIPS REUNION SHOW

2006-02-09T15:41:00.000-08:00

2006-01-21T09:23:00.000-08:00

2006 Honda Civic

2005-12-15T17:23:00.000-08:00

Oh Yeah! Can you say Motor Trend Car of the Year? The market on this car is ridiculous! When a car is this hot, we as salespeople get to abuse and take out all our frustrations on all those other MOOCHES that are out there that bought from us and we had no leverage. Here's a taste of something that happened last night:

Client: So what's invoice on this Civic?

Me: On this 2006 Honda Civic EX with Navigation in Black?

Client: Yeah...what's invoice?

Me: On this Black one that you have been waiting 2 weeks for to arrive and no other dealer in Ca. has? (play-fully)

Client: Yes. So what is invoice? (says it a little tough)

Me: It's $19,339.83 and the selling price is $21,360.00

Client: Well, we're prepared to pay $500 over invoice.

Me: Well, then you're prepared to leave.

(silence....the rule is...the first person to speak loses...one minute has past now........the long stare.....no smile......keeping still....two minutes....)

Client: Well how much are you giving me for my trade?

They didn't actually buy the car but telling the guy "Well, then you're prepared to leave" filled my pay-back bank for a good two to three months...ahhhh...now I need to fill the actual CA$H bank!

The Be-Back Bus

2005-12-15T09:53:00.000-08:00

Have you ever gone to car dealership and as you were leaving, you asked the salesman for his card and told him:

"I'll be back."
"I'm going to think about it and if I do decide to buy, I'll definitely come and see you."
"I just need to pick up my kids at school and I'll be right back."
"Let me talk to my wife/husbands and I'll bring him by this weekend."
"Do you work on Saturday? I'll see you then."

I've heard atleast 250 different excuses personally and the legend of the Be-Back Bus is that one day...All the people that have ever said they were coming back...Actually will...In ONE BIG @$$ BUS! I have created a Bus Pass for such occasion and handed one to a client as they were leaving. It went a little something like this:

Client: Okay well I told you I only had a few minutes. Appreciate the time. Give me your card and I'll call you to set an appointment to come back in a few weeks.

Ernie: I don't have any more cards sir...I tend to give those to people who actually buy from me..But I do have this ticket with my name and number on it.

Client: A ticket? For what?

Ernie: It's for the Be-Back bus sir. It's getting awfully crowded, so there may be no more room, but it has all my information on the back there.

Client: Okay! Thanks!

(HUGE APPLAUSE)

...And I Feel Fine!

2005-12-15T08:54:00.000-08:00

I was browsing the net today and ran accross THIS article on MSN. The article goes on and on about "mistakes" men make about their health, and wouldn't you know it...it's written by a woman...a woman who looks nothing like a picture of health herself.

Jane Weaver
Health editor

Let's take a look at these "mistakes" we "dudes" make, shall we?

I’m too young to worry about heart disease

I am too young! I'm only freakin 32 and (takes deep breath) I feel fine. Just the other day I took a walk (deep breath again) to the Liquor store to get the ingredients to make my famous (chest pain) Chili-con-Carne with crunched Doritos (deep breath) and I didn't even break a sweat!

Sunscreen is for wimps

Well, it is! I mean, come on. Who goes to the beach and lathers up with lotion all over their body? That's right! A CHICK! Dudes don't wear screen.

Flossing is a waste of time

Amen! Let's think about this shall we. Do teeth have veins? I don't think so. So how can teeth have any effect on my body. I can always gets those things that hockey players wear anyways. They don't even have to brush them! They put them in a cup with an Alka-Seltzer. Now that's sweet!

Prostate cancer treatment is worse than the disease

Prostate cancer treatment IS worse than the disease. And the exam is even worse! I need to stop now. I know the countdown continues and I don't need to be thinking about this so early in the morning.

Improv Auditions in the 909???

2005-12-08T13:00:00.000-08:00

There's a new group in town...well, actually not really in town, more like in Corona??? Yes! That's right! The 909 has improv fans too, and if you:

1. Improv and live in the area and are looking for a hometown group...

2. Live in the area and think you'd be really good at making stuff up....

3. Don't live anywhere near Corona but are as addicted to improv as I am and are willing to drive out to that area for shows...

4. Have nothing to do ever and have transportation...

NEW IMPROV GROUP FORMING

Home Theatre in the works and we're looking at at a possible March Opening, but we'd like to cast, rehearse and start building a base audience in Corona. If you're interested in auditions, the first round of them will be held at:

3050 Palisades Dr.
Corona Ca. 92880
DEC.22nd @ 5PM

For more info just give me a call:

Ernie
562-895-8850 cell
ohmanna@yahoo.com e-mail

Not interested, but know someone that might be? Be a pal and pass it on! Thanks!

Doggy Flu?

2005-11-21T09:23:00.000-08:00

Are you serious? I was shocked to learn that Bird's could get the flu...But now dog flu??? Could it be? How many more illnesses and diseases will animals try and steal our thunder from? When will it end? What can we expect next??? My early predictions for next years:

Tuna Chicken Pox

Turkey Breast Cancer

Camel Hump Mumps

Weasel Measles

And the one thing that I know will eventually come out because it affects me almost every morning, along with millions of men around the world, so the animal kingdom will want some of this action...

Morning Woodpecker

What????

Blue Hair Politics

2005-11-18T18:42:00.000-08:00

I got a chance to play with the Blue Hairs down at the tennis club earlier this week and I caught a glimpse of some court politics that were really funny. There are about two really good players that would leave me in the dust if we played singles and then there's about another 4 guys that are my level and then the blue hairs make up the majority along with the 2 little kids that come from time to time with the recently divorced mom's in their new cars and other new body parts...uh huh. The prez of the Blue hairs thinks he's up there with the top two as far as skill goes, so whenever he gets paired up with someone not-so-good-but-actually-is-his-level, he retreats for a "break" and then comes back in and rotates in with the more advanced players to get himself an exciting doubles set. This has apparently been going on for years and even though I myself don't like playing two hours with people that cant even see my serve coming...I take a bullet and do my part to keep things balanced in the tennis galaxy. I guess everyone had had enough, so when the prez pulled his break bit...Everyone just stopped and took a break with him...It was brilliant! This one blue hair conceived the while thing before I got there and had enough people on his side that when the time came..It looked and played out perfectly!

Prez: Oh, I'm playing with you now???Oh, I'll be right back...I'm going to take a quick break...Hey you! Why don't you fill in for me real quick and I'll be right back!

Wise Blue Hair: Oh, you're taking a break? Hey, let's all take a break..We'll wait for you.

Everyone: Yeah! I need a break too...Come on, let's get some water...I need to check my voice mail...I have some new balls in the car...I need some over-grip.

Then once he realized that we weren't going to let him pull that on us...He was paired up with Peg, a 72 year old gal with a racket bigger than a Honda Civic, and who ever played against him tanked the game on purpose to keep them paired up the WHOLE day! IT WAS BRILLIANT!

Those Blue hairs have a lot to teach...But yes, I still did jumping jacks in front of them and told them that robots had been seen attacking the elderly in the local area.

Play it Again, Sam

2005-11-15T14:03:00.000-08:00

There ain't nothing like preplanned improv. In fact, I think the audience enjoys it when an improviser is thoughtful about the work they put into a performance. Why should a improviser leave the show's quality up to chance? The audience paid good money to see a funny show. A smart improviser saves his best rehearsed characters and one-liners for that audience. Is Jurassic Park any less scary because you've seen it a hundred times already? No. And this Saturday's show will be no less funny because I've rehearsed crabby kid, senile old man, and shoot the ______ in silent movie. So come on down to the DePietro Theatre this Saturday at 8pm. We'll be playing non-stop oldies but goodies because my motto is, "Recycling is not just for aluminum cans anymore!"

Oceanside

2005-10-23T09:23:00.000-07:00

Oh Manna had a show last night in Oceanside with a little church out there who's pastor had seen us perform at a Jr. High Camp called Forest Home up in Big Bear about five years ago. Those times at Forest Home were really amazing all those years ago because we were just kind of getting started as a group and having that nice long drive up the mountain once a week for ten weeks really helped structure our style and dynamic with each other.

We started out with five guys and slowly worked our way down to just me and Forrest and we would pick up a player here and there as needed, but last night was a full cast of 6! (Ernie, Forrest, Katy, Marabeth, Nick and John). I think performing with the Crazies this last year has done something to me that I'm not sure how I feel about now. I used to feel like I was one of the guys with Oh Manna and every other show I might stand out, but with the Crazies, I feel like the pressure is really on me to step up every night. I couldn't figure out why at first...I just thought.."I have all these people here that payed $15 so I better give them their money's worth and raise the stakes" and then I thought that maybe it was because I was doing formats I wasn't that familiar with, but last night it really hit me.

The players I am used to performing with are really, really good. I always knew Forrest was good, but last night I felt this calmness during the show as I could see that every single player had their A game and if they did slip a bit to a B it was okay, because it's way better than what I've been used to. We did a 2 hour show and just let things fly. I was caught just watching at some point at the pure improv that was being displayed. The show wasn't too gamey and gimmicky and everyone played very well together. I guess I just feel like I have to play up to the lowest level on stage and when there's just a bunch of great players...All the stress is gone and I can really have fun.

I had a show on Friday Night for the 50th anniversary of Cerritos College and Marabeth and I joined a few other G.I.P.S. (Generic Improvisational Peep Show) and had a rock solid 20 minutes in front of about 200 big wigs in the Cerritos/Norwalk Community. It was nice to be directed by my mentor of all that is Improv, Kevin Hoggard, and then just hang after the show and talk about the good old days. The show felt different and then having Marabeth and two of those G.I.P.S. do the show with us last night has brought me to my new realization. If I play with so-so's I'll work very hard and give a great show and everyone will think I'm the best...But if I play with equals, I can just be myself and having a great show is 100 times more rewarding than self praise. Either way, I love to Improv and the best thing about it is I have another show this next week! I will do my best to calm down a bit and trust my cast and we'll see what happens.

Sammy Boy

2005-10-04T19:45:00.000-07:00

I played tennis with the Blue Hairs again today and did a bit of running and biking last night. I think the fact that I was so soar from the late ride last night caused me to be a bit more merciful with the Grey Nation this morning. Here are some examples of the classic smack they tossed my way today:

Hey Junior! You sleep okay? I tried to be quiet last night with your mommasita!

Hey look! His mom let him dress himself today! Need any help with those laces?

I've been playing tennis since before you even knew what wood was!

Thanks for paying taxes...It keeps me from hiring a Mexican pool man!

I was nice enough to just do jumping-jacks every time those gems came flying my way. And then I would pull on my hair and bite my racquet. I figured why waste the words when actions speak so much louder. After a bit they got the message that they can't do any of those things and then I hit them with my serves. I said a bit more merciful!

Time is Money

2005-09-26T21:04:00.000-07:00

I hate when people complain that buying a car takes too long! I'm sure everyone agrees with that statement...Even a salesman, but lets really think about what this time is!

Scenario One:

10 hours spent on Computer or Phone looking to see who has the car you want at the lowest price.

1 hour spent taking a test drive with the nicest person you spoke with and having no intention of buying the car from him/her.

1 hour spent on the drive going to the dealer that has the car you want.

4 hours spent trying to negotiate with that dealer to beat...Never match...The quote from the dealer that didn't have the car (and that makes sense to you people).

2 hours spent in finance because the finance manager is now pressured to sell you something...Anything..To cover the loss the dealer took on the price of the car that no one else had at a price that no one else gave you.

The rest of your life complaining to everyone how long it takes to buy a car!

Scenario Two:

20 minutes spent driving to the local dealer and telling the first salesman you see that you plan on paying a reasonable profit for the right car in the right color and that salesman will go to the ends of the earth to get it for you.

20 minutes spent filling out the paper work for finance as you are treated like a KING or QUEEN by everyone at the dealer ship.

20 minutes spent finalizing the deal and driving away happy.

You're spending $10 dollars more monthly, but saved yourself 18 hours and a life long bad experience.

How much do you make an hour? $20 lets say...So that's a loss of $360 of your time...But you saved yourself $600 so Congratulations! You just saved yourself $240 over 60 months...Minus the price of Gas on a simple interest loan! MOOCH!

The moral of this Blog: Don't complain about how long it takes to buy a car when you're the one holding up the process. Who starts the negotiating?

STICKER IS QUICKER!

SEPTEMBER SHOW

2005-09-15T10:48:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

What an Unbelievable turn-out last month! Thanks to all that made it out and made last month one of the best shows ever! We are really excited to introduce a new marketing plan here at Mixed-Nut Headquarters...For the Month of September*60 Laugh Money Back Guarantee!That's Right! We Guarantee you will laugh at least 60 times this month and that's Guaranteed! Let's see here, That's $15 at the door at 60 laughs Guaranteed, so that's like 5 million laughs per dollar!

I'm sure you are all aware that I am a car salesman and you probably think there is some kind of "Catch" or I add up numbers wrong or something...you may all know me a little too well! Really? Can you think of anything better to do on a Saturday Night than to laugh at least 60 times? You wont find that kind of bargain on regular TV! It's Saturday Night folks! If I were you, and not me, I would be so excited to see me perform this month because I know, but would I know if I were you?...hmmm... that I have a very special show planned with some all new games and the security of having the *60 Laugh Money back Guarantee! And if I were you and not me...that would really be Something! And you would have an empty Savings Account!

Let's Recap!

*60 Laugh Money Back Guarantee

Having something Fun and Exciting to do on a Saturday Night

Getting to see a close friend act like a fool on stage

A savings of over $4,999,985.00 per laugh

That's it, I'm SOLD!

See you at the show,

The Mixed Nut

New Watch

2005-09-15T09:28:00.000-07:00

I got a new watch last week. Ever since I was a kid, I have been fascinated with watches of all styles and designs. My favorite watch of all time was a Swatch-Watch I got in Jr. High and I think I still have it somewhere too. This new watch is something else...very nice! Nice thick band and a face that looks very elegant.

It's black though, not blue and it's not quite as expensive as a Rolex but makes me feel like a Ballah!

Death of a Salesman

2005-09-06T23:30:00.000-07:00

As you may all know, I work at the Cerritos Auto Square and we just finished one of our biggest weekends in History. I've been selling cars for a little over 2 years now and I have found that this Labor day Holiday is where you really make out as a salesman. It has been unbelieveably busy these last four days and it all ends tonight as far as the busy weekend goes.

Earlier tonight, a salesman across the street from me at the Chevy dealer was stabbed to death. I have to say that adding the fact that I'm completely exhausted, totally burned out from the late nights and emotionally taxed from not seeing and spending the time I normally do with my family, the thought fact that a fellow sales associate was killed tonight really puts me in a state of shock. I really feel bad for his family, whatever family he had and my thoughts and prayers go out to his loved ones.

I can't image working the weekend we all die for in sales and actually doing just that. I may complain from time to time about the occassional idiot or mooch that crosses my path, but now to know that I can lose my life becasue some ass wants to steal a car or just take it for a joy ride makes me ill to the deepest part of my heart. Am I really just tired and that's it? There seems to be too much death going on right now and if we all don't just take a moment to see what kind of evil is really out there and do our part to protect what we love, someone can and will take it from us in one swing of a blade. I do my best to look at people in their best light, but with all the darkness surrounding us, I find it very difficult to focus.

I'm tired and I want to go home, but my car is parked across the street in a parking lot that has barely enough light to see what's infront of you and one high school drop-out 19 year old asleep with mash re-runs playing on his black and white tv. I miss my family and will enjoy my life for these next two days off.

-yes, this is me not being funny for once...mark it on your calendar and remember it the next time you comment about us "sharks" and "wolves" that stay up endless hours to accomidate your needs, greed and selfishness. And to those of you who know what it's like to be a salesman, buyers are liars, car dogs are ruthless...but no one should ever die.

Hair Cut

2005-08-26T14:32:00.000-07:00

I got a hair cut yesterday and as I was looking at the magazines for the possibility of finding a new style, I ran across the style I will definately take on in the future. I know I can't do the push forward and slap the tip back style forever, so if you run across me in about 20 years, you'll see the shaved head and a beard look.

Its the perfect combo for me. I really feel like I'm all over the place most of the time...so having a beard and being bald is like wearing a sports coat and sporting flip-flops! Ohhhh...I like that! Let's think of some more....

T-shirt and dress slacks
Suspenders and a V-Neck Sweater
Turtle Neck and Shorts
Dress Shoes and a Flannel
Long Curly Red Hair and being a Man (Carrot Top is Just Wrong!)

My Birthday!!!

2005-08-23T08:38:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's my B-Day today and since I have a horrible longtime memory of things and can barely remember what happened a month ago, and especially a year ago, I thought it would be a good idea to document my day in my BLOG so when it's found by scientists in the year 3054, they will know how truley special I was and errect a monument for me or something fancy....giant hologram maybe since it's the future...and call this day ERNIE DAY for all the futute to celebrate.

Last night at about 11:30pm, my wife said "Happy Birthday" but it wasn't technically right? But then It got me thinking that if someone called me from like Europe or something, at the same time, then they would be correct, so My wife KT wins the award for First "Happy Birthday". I did receive an e-mail from my friend Shallon Lester today, but since she now lives in NY, it wont actually count until 3 hours from when I read it...right? I'm so confused...it's the old age setting in

Here's a list of peep's that I will now immortalize into the furure for saying "Happy Birthday" to me today in order of first to last...you want to be immortal? Say "Happy Birthday" to me today and in the words of Emilio Estevez as Billy the Kid from Young Guns, "I'll make you famous".

THE LIST
________________

1. Katy 11:30pm
2. Improv Message Boards (e-mail) 12:20am..I was up late...BDay gift...(BLUSH)
3. Forrest (cell text) 7:12am
4. Ernie III 7:52am
5. Harry King 8:24am
6. Shallon Lester 8:26am
7. Gregg Burch 8:33am
8. Gale Lopez 8:50am

------I'll update through-out the day--------------

9. My Mom 9:42am
10. Eddie Morales 10:27am
11. John Lopez 10:31am
12. Jeff Turner 10:35am
13. Larry Kraft 10:45am
14. Laura Kraft 10:46am
15. Thai Hyunh 10:54am

---------11:02am and still time----------------

16. Doug Ricks 11:02am
17. Cousin Maria (my space post) 11:37am
18. MissErni31 (yesander) 12:45pm
19. Shaun Laundry (yesander) 1:41pm
20. Susola (yesander) 2:05pm
21. Hilda (office) 2:10pm
22. Bobbi (office) 2:10pm

---------3:08pm and time's a tickin'-------------

23. Dogmatica (yesander) 3:22pm
24. Jill Bernard (yesander) 3:30pm
25. Nathan Lopez 3:59pm
26. Blair 4:25pm
27. Craig Giras 4:30pm
28. Alex Akhavan 4:31pm
29. Hassan 4:31pm
30. Tio Ben 4:38pm
31. Tia Tere 4:40pm
32. Sammy boy 4:53pm
33. Liberty Bird 5:12pm
34. Dad 6:38pm
35. Alex 6:42pm
36. Lili 6:43pm

You are all now FAMOUS!!!!!

Fantasy Football

2005-08-22T08:23:00.000-07:00

Yes, Fantasy Football has started with the Gang, and we had our Draft Last Night...only like 3 hours long. The sad part of it is, those three hours will be about as much time that I'll get all season to actually watch a game. While I love my job, working just about every Sunday Sucks! I'm still a guy who played High School Football and needs to watch a game on occasion so that I can say things like:

"I played with that guy in High School."
"I sacked Steve Stenstrom once."
"Oh, Oh, they're going to option left, watch...his right leg is leaning that way."
"I could be out there right now...if it wasn't for my knee injury."

Go Raider's!!!
-and in my fantasy league...Go Raid-Ern's!!!

You Know

2005-08-21T11:05:00.000-07:00

A good deal is perception, so being a trained actor is very helpful in my field of work in car sales, but there are some that simply lack the talent. For every objection a client can give to not buy a car, there are about 50 well know way's to "Close" them. Last night, one of the newer sales guys in the department fell victim to a very tricky close performed by the director here, and since my desk is somewhat aside from his (okay, I was being nosy...But it was freaking classic!) I had a great seat for this following scene:

////////////////////////////////////////////////

The players:
(names have been changed to protect the innocent.)

Gregg: The Director. White Male in his late 40's. Heavily into real-estate and a major goofball...About as good an improviser I have ever met.

Stan: The new internet sales guy. Filipino Male in his Late 40's. Lovingly called "pifty-pifty" here and is a very proud man.

Client: Client

(scene opens with Stan having just finished finalizing numbers with Client without the director's final approval. Stan did send out a quote for final price, but no one gave him authority to quote out interest rate. Gregg calmly walks over to Stan's desk where Client is waiting patiently...This is called the "You're Fired Close"..And the beauty is that Stan didn't know of it.)

Gregg: Hello there Sir...I want to apologize for Stan's apparent ignorance to you. I have to let you know that he had no authorization to quote you an interest rate, but we wont be having any more problems with that because He's Fired! (Stan Jumps in his seat...Hits him like a ton of bricks!)I'm very sorry that we wont be able to finalize this deal...

Client: Well, what's the right interest rate? (could care less that a man's career has apparently ended right before his eyes)

Gregg: I feel really sorry about this sir, but I can't sell you a car now because Stan No Longer works for the dealership. (To Stan) Get the hell out of here!

Stan: (spelling used to create accent)Don't you dare sfeak to me in that tome! I have been in dis business for ofur 10 year.

Gregg: Well...Ten years too long...Idiot! What the hell do you think you're doing quoting a low price like that and saying we can do this interest rate! Who the Hell made you Boss around here in one day! I don't believe I got that memo! (To Client in a rapid calmness) I'm really sorry about this sir.

Client: Wait, the price is wrong too? What's going on here?/

Stan: I was matching anoder dealer quote who also gave da frice and rate, dis in not righ/

Gregg: Oh yeah! Who! What dealer? Where's a copy of the quote!?! And why was I not told of this!

Client: (now a bit nervous)I got it from Long Beach Honda...(goes to pull it out)

Gregg: Don't bother...They have no inventory, and when they do, they add all kinds of accessories and make you pay full retail for them. That's not a legitimate quote...It probably doesn't have a VIN attached either huh? (Pause)I'm really sorry about this sir.

Client: Well, Stan's quote didn't have a VIN either.

Gregg: WHAT! (that was the best! Stan gets up and begins to make for the door...Looking very sad and upset.) Wait! (to client) I'm really sorry about this sir...Stan, get over here...Look, (to Client) Stan is a little new here in the department and hasn't gotten the proper training yet/

Stan: And dat you own pault!

Gregg: Look, Just wait! (to client) If you don't mind paying $500 more for the car and I'll just keep the rate the same, that's a great savings to you, you'll be paying like $8 more a month...I'm really sorry about all this. He's just a bit new and it's been a long night.

Stan: Well....I don't know....It's just $8 more?

Gregg: I technically have to give you the price because he did e-mail it to you, but to keep this from getting out there and avoiding and major disciplinary/

Client: Let's just get this over with.

//////////////AND SCENE//////////////////////////////

I love my JOB!

I met Gumble

2005-08-20T11:14:00.000-07:00

Or a coco-nut just as bad. I sold him a car last night and at one point, this is where the conversation went....

Ernie: Your payment will be 325.42 monthly with 6000 down.

Gumble: Quick strory...the first FAX machine was created in the early 20's and was as big as a barn...I tell ya, by golly...those sheets of paper must have been huge!

Ernie: Excuse me, but did you just say "By Golly"? I've never met anyone who said that in person.

///PAUSE///

Gumble: So 325.00 monthly huh?

During the coarse of the evening, I found out that he loves Rock, has a beat up 79 Camaro on blocks in his garage...know's what J.B. Weld is and once pissed in his radiator to keep his car from over heating...the best ever black red neck I've ever met! gotta love The Gumble!

Trying you on

2005-08-14T13:49:00.000-07:00

Here are some things I have said that may or may not have gotten me a sale, but are worthy to be mentioned. They have come up at any and every aspect of the sale. Most of them are what we call "Try-On's" that maybe you have also used from time to time.

"The dealer down the street was going to throw in a spoiler"
(yet you're here because our price is $700 cheaper...How much is a spoiler?)

"I told you I can't afford more than $300 a month"
(then pick a different car...I didn't pick the one with leather, you did.)

"I saw a commercial for 0% finance"
(and you didn't see the fine print that said it was short term financing and for 10% of the loan)

"I can sell my car for at least $3000 more private party"
(then do it, I didn't ask to buy your car.)

"I have a friend who will come and buy the same car if we can make this deal"
( so I can lose twice the money? How about we make the deal and you tell you're friend you paid more?)

"You can do it...Just make it up on the next guy"
(that's what the last guy said...You are the next guy!)

"You know you make a ton of money"
(oh yeah...That's why I'm here at 1am arguing over $50.)

"This payment is too high"
(don't worry, you'll grow into it...It's supposed to be...Nobody ever complained about their payment being to low, right?)

I love my life!

Sir Sammy-lot

2005-08-11T15:28:00.000-07:00

I was at Wal-Mart Today with the KTBUNCH as she was looking for new fabric to make a new skirt and I took the boys over to the sporting goods section so I can drool over the fishing poles and day dream about one day goping out to fish and actually catching a fish and eating it!...but that's not where I was going, so I'll get back to the topic of this blog.

Sammy, the 5 year old, asked to be taken to the "Cool Stuff" and then little Ernie asked him what he thought was cool.

Sammy: "Umm...like an armor suit or something"
Ernie: "A suit of armor?"
Sammy: "Yeah, that's what I said"
Ernie: "I don't think they have those here"
Sammy: "Well why not? I like suits of armor!"

Deck of Cards!

I put the PAIN in...

2005-08-10T21:05:00.000-07:00

PAINTBALL

I played a little paintball with my son today at Hollywood Sport's. I hadn't actually played in a while and I got to say, I'm going to start playing more often again now! I forgot how pumped up it makes me feel to have a bunch of screaming teenagers with gun markers that cost more than an armani suit come after you like idiot's. They say that youth is wasted on the young, well so is money! I love "Putting Together" just about anyone, but it's just so freaking easy with teens.

I actually didn't start having real fun until the older players showed up as I was about to leave, but I did manage to mix in one game with them. It's really funny to see a persons personality be affected by battle. You see a quiet kid and he'll either hide in a bunker and ask for his mommy or stalk you into a corner and torment you with splatter off a wall and pin you for minutes. Or you have the really obnoxious kid that everyone wants to shoot at the start of the whistle and he seems to be invincible and just pisses you off...And then there's me!

I am a leader. I see the greater good and sacrifice consequence for advantage. In other words: I send little kids into a bad position to get me closer to the flag!..And the best thing about it is...They love me for it!

New Shoes

2005-08-06T18:39:00.000-07:00

I bought some really nice new shoes today with my Honda Rewards Card. Everytime I sell a certain type of Accord or Pilot, I get money put on my card. I feel like a "ballah" today even though I haven't sold that many cars. Everyone else in my department has sold at least two today...but do they have a nice new pair of shoes!

Heavy

2005-08-05T23:04:00.000-07:00

I used "It's just gravity" with a black person today...and it was really scary. I get along very well with all races, and since I am a free style rapper from time to time, I know the peeps from the hood and can name drop like no other, but this guy today got me stuck good.

I remember being on a kick at callin everyone "Guy" and I bumped in to an old friend and said "How's it going GUY?" and he said "Guy? What! Is that what you call people when you can't remember their name"..(and he was partialy right..I didn't remember his name)...and today's bust was even worse!

Outside near the vending machine
Guy: do you work here?
Me: Yeah, can I help you with something?
Guy: I just need to know where your parts department is
Me: Oh, okay...it's right this way, I'll walk you over there...(we start walking)
Guy: Thanks man, so are you a salesman here or something?
Me: Yeah, I'm one of the Internet Managers here
Guy: You gotta make your money somewhere right?
Me: It's Just Gravity
Guy: "It's Just Gravity?" What is that supposed to mean?
Me: (scoffs) right, right.
Guy: I'm serious..what do you mean by that?
Me: (pause) Heavy. (and I looked him right in the eyes and said it with total commitment...and a little scared)
Guy:True Dat! (laughs, and walks in to Parts Department)
Me: Heavy!

I can't use "It's just gravity" now becasue I assigned it the meaning of "Heavy" so my new phrase is "Deck of Cards". I used it a few times today...it's catching on slowely.

I may have gotten in trouble

2005-08-04T14:02:00.000-07:00

I get e-mails all the time from people that want a price quote, but they're so freaked about talking to a salesman that they give a fake number. No problem...I completely understand. Here are some of numbers I have gotten in the past that let me know that this person prefers to only communicate through e-mail

999-999-9999
123-456-7890
555-555-5555

I got an e-mail today from a Harry Ballsnatchski who gave me not one...Not two...But three phony numbers. That is not just someone saying they don't want to talk to a salesman, but someone who's out there to waste my time on purpose or something right?

Here's a copy of my e-mail back to him that I know will get me in trouble with this guy, since he seems to have it in for salesman.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi Harry,

Here is the price quote you requested on the 2005 Honda Civic. It was very nice speaking to you earlier today and I'm so excited to let you know that you did win the Grand Prize we spoke about so you will be receiving your free 42" plasma television whether you buy the car from me or not.

Here is your price quote: $12,220.35 (*fake price)

Please call me as soon as possible and to claim your free plasma T.V. you will need the confirmation number I gave you 5622827889
(*that's the fake home number he gave me)
with the approval code number 32378-93382
(*that's the fake work number he gave me)
and please call the Prize Call Center at 562-388-7865
(*that's the fake cell number he gave me)

Congratulations and I hope to hear from you soon!

Ernie Macias
Internet Sales Manager
It's Just Gravity Motors
562-895-8850
I hope you like my
fake numbers as much
as I liked yours
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I give them 2 weeks before my heads on the chopping block!

Gravity

2005-08-03T11:23:00.000-07:00

I was listening to Power this morning on the radio and one of the cool rap guys said something that I have no idea what it means, but sounded really cool! I've instituted it into my everyday vocabulary. "It's just gravity" is what the saying is and I have found so far this morning that it can be used for absolutely anything and in any circumstance! I love it!

Co-Worker: So how were your days off Ernie?
Ernie: It's just Gravity
Co-Worker: Aint that the truth!

Service Advisor: You got any clients with Due Bills Ernie?
Ernie: It's just Gravity
Service Advisor: Well, you just let me know if something pop's up!

Receptionist: You have a client here to see you Sir.
Ernie: It's just Gravity
Receptionist: I'll be sure and let them know!

Lunch Truck Guy: You want a Salad or Something?
Ernie: It's just Gravity
Lunch Truck Guy: (just begins to laugh) AAhhhahahahah!!!

I love it! I'm sure someone out there knows what this means, but I swear, I never want to know! So until I blog again...It's Just Gravity!

Got any nicknames?

2005-08-02T11:52:00.000-07:00

I had quite a bit when I was a kid and the one that will plague me forever is "Netito no play Today". It's short for Ernestito...to nestito...to netito...get it? When I was about 4 or 5, some of my uncles were over at the house and a friend of mine came over to ask if I wanted to play. I told him, "Netito no play today" and it's been my name ever since.

Why can't our family have cool sounding or even cute nicknames? It beats being called "Trap-Jaw" or "Fart-Boy" though, and that's exactly why I'll blog about it!

What's Worse?

2005-07-27T22:59:00.000-07:00

I had to teach an improv class tonight and the topic came up as to what was worse...A hoard of Zombies or a bus full of terroroist?

after much debate and analization, I can't decide what's worse...having had the debate or blogging about it now?

don't forget to check out the Mixed Nut's this Saturday Night!!!

Ham-Solo

2005-07-21T17:36:00.000-07:00

I pulled the Switch-a-roo and replaced my Kid's Dead hamster with an almost identical one yesterday. I say almost identical because my 5 year old asked KT this morning why Ham-Solo has a white stripe now. She calmy replied: " He grew it" to which the little one gave a confused look for a few seconds and then said: "Cool! Hey! My hamster grew a stripe! My hamster grew a stripe!". Hopefully The Force will be a little stronger in this one!

Rapper Retirement Home?

2005-07-20T09:44:00.000-07:00

I heard on the radio today that Eminem is considering retirement? How exactly does a rapper retire anyways? I mean, will he be at the liquor store one day and some guy comes walking by wondering....

Guy: "Oh Man, what rhymes with Milk? I need some help BAD!"
Eminem: "Don't look at me man, I'm retired."

Or maybe he's at a car wash one day and three hot booty-liscious chicks walk by and...

Babes: "Hi there, baby. Want to join us for a drink? We got bubbles you aint never seen"!
Eminem: "Sorry Ladies, those days are over...I'm retired."

Or maybe he stops by a Zales at the Mall...

Salesman: "This necklace here is 500 karat gold, it has 5 rubies and 32 diamonds that make up the PUMA logo over the platinum plated lion crest and comes with it's own alarm system."
Eminem: "I'm retired...I'll take that Lance Armstrong band instead."

Can you imagine an entire retirement home full of Ex-Rapper's? Have you ever seen a walker with hydrolics? PIMP MY RAWHIDE!

The Countdown Begins

2005-07-19T19:00:00.000-07:00

I was playing tennis earlier to day with my best bud...(6-2)...couldn't help it....and he brough up the fact that I will be celebrating my B-Day next month. He said "32 is coming up huh?" and all I could do was figure out how many years I now have left before my mandatory colonoscopy. Let the countdown begin! Yes, this blog has headed South.

JULY SHOW

2005-07-17T18:03:00.000-07:00

NEW SHOW THIS SATURDAY
JULY 30TH AT 8:00 PM

Maybe you've already seen a show or two...every show is different.
Maybe you have something better to do...never stopped you before.
Maybe you have to do your hair...okay, enjoy it while you can.

Maybe you don't know that the Mixed Nut's have really MIXED things up this month and will be completely NUTS this next SHOW! Come by and see your favorite Nuts as they entertain you with added cast members, new Games and a VERY SPECIAL Guest Director!

We hope you can make it by and be sure to tell a friend or two. We have some cool new additions to our show that will be sure to keep you coming back for more. Tickets are $15 at the door and if you have any questions, feel free to give me a call @ 562-895-8850 or e-mail me at ohmanna@yahoo.com

Birth Control

2005-07-17T17:16:00.000-07:00

You're all in real trouble now. Since the discovery of my new and really cool sounding condition, Bells Palsy, I have made it a point to start reading other related links on MSN besides the sports page and entertainment section. I am now an avid reader of the Health and Fitness section and I just though you should all know, especially one very sexually active New New Yorker that SHALL remain nameless ON this post....The Birth Control Patch leads to three times as many strokes/blood clots than the pill.

It's funny that they fail to mention how many strokes and blood clots actual children give you!

I feel better

2005-07-17T14:22:00.000-07:00

I feel better, and besides feeling like passing out for most of the evening yesterday, I'd have to say my spirit's have been way up! I took the KT Bunch to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory last night and my over-all rating, since everyone seems to want to put in their own 2 cents, is that it was okay.

I really liked the first one with Wilder, and the kids character's were crisp in the first one, where in this re-make, they seemed to pay more attention to having the kids look like the original's and less on their abaility to bring their character to life. I've seen movies where the director and actor make completely different choices for their character and that's great, but to be a weak copy? That gives you the okay from Ernie, and that's about it.

I've got to get back to work now, and thanks to all who cared enough to post a comment while I was down and out! Much Love!

I had a Stroke?

2005-07-09T19:30:00.000-07:00

I guess I know what I need for Christmas this year?

1) A Chalk Board
2) A Phantom of the Opera Mask
3) An arm sling
4) A Pimp Daddy Cane
5) A Pirate's Eye Patch

Who knew? It was the scariest experience ever. All I could think about was that E.R. episode with the red head (Cythia Nixon) from Sex in the City! I get out of my van and I start to feel dizzy. I say "I feel Dizzy" in a Forrest Gump kind of way and KT sees that I'm making this weird face and I'm drooling?

I start to walk about three steps and realize that I can't lift my left arm and can barely feel my left leg. I get really dizzy and turn and face KT and I see this look in her face that she gives when I've crossed the line in my joking around and she calmly walks over and asks if I'm okay. I know what she's thinking...She doesn't want to be tricked, but I'm actually having a STROKE!

We walk back over to the van and I want to say I'm not feeling good, but all that comes out of my mouth is "AAHHMMMNNNAAHHFFFIILLGGOOO" and I can hear myself mumbling! I know what I meant to say, but it's not what came out. We get to the van and now I'm thinking of the Old Man (Anthony Hopkins) from Legends of the Fall and envisioning myself doing an improv show with a chalkboard and a bell...AAHHHH!!!!

We sit in the Van for a moment and I can barely lift my left arm and Go ballistic! KT keeps asking me if I'm joking around and then asks me to smile? Why "Smile" I'm thinking as I wonder if she's trying to pull a Mr. Roger's on me in this intense moment of crisis! She was asking me to smile because the whole left side of my face was practically hitting the ground! AAHHH!!!

After a few attempts at smiling, I see that her "Are you joking around face" turns into "I'm really scared now, but I don't want you to know you look like a Freak Show Face" and then we were both on the same page. A few minutes passed by as we discussed our options...I just got a new job remember? NO INSURANCE...AAAHHHH!!!! And we make our way to the E.R. and a $10,000.00 visit!

I had a Stroke?

10-S Fever

2005-07-08T21:31:00.000-07:00

It turns out that the director of my Department likes to play tennis and we had ourselves a match this last Monday (1-6, 6-1, 6-0) and now the guy is hooked on playing me! He arranged for us to get off from our shift early just so he could get his butt whooped again (6-4, 7-6). It seems the Blue hairs may be put in cryogenics for a while.

Dancing with the Stars

2005-07-07T10:24:00.000-07:00

It was the final episode last night of "Dancing with the Stars" and they have just proven that America can not be given the opportunity to vote! Does Bo-Bice ring a bell peep's! (Don't worry, I wont get all political...mostly because I can't vote.) I was so upset that John and the blonde foreign chick didn't win, but when Evander came out...All was forgiven! God Bless America and Reality T.V.

Let's check those ears

2005-07-06T17:01:00.000-07:00

I love dealing with people that have a hearing problem. It's the second funniest thing in the world...I'm the funniest, but we all know that.

Here's the conversation 10 minutes ago:

Mr. Stroke: I got a deal down the street at 280 a month! What you gonna do? You gonna beat it?

Me: Bring down your offer in writing and I'll be sure to beat it for you Sir. We all pay the same, so if they can do it down the street, I'm confident that our Dealership, which happens to be the #1 Volume Dealer in the Nation, can too.

Mr. Stroke: Well, I aint got it in writing, but I got his word! What you gonna do? You gonna beat it!?!

Me: If I give you my word and beat it, would you give me your word and stop calling dealers to beat my price?

Mr. Stroke: No! What you gonna do? You gonna beat it?

------------HEARING TEST-----------------

Me: If I told you I can get you 250 a month, would you buy the car from me?

Now this is what he heard:

I'll do 250 a month! So please, please, please buy the car from me. I'm so sorry I'm a bad bad car salesman and you are superior to me in every way and I am the scum of the earth and will bend over backwards to sell you a car.

------------------------------------------

B.T.W.
***This is called a Low-Ball, and the only way to sell someone who's be low-balled a car, is to do a double low ball. I know I did a double, because the triple always gets an appointment and never results in a sale.***

Congratulations MR.Stroke! Now you'll spend the next 8 hours at another dealer trying to get your payment to 240 a month because you'll lie to the salesman and tell him you have 240 from me! And after it's all said and done, the real bottom line of 300 will rear it's ugly head...You know, that 300 that the first guy told you and you called me and said 280??? Yes, I know what you're doing and even though you're 74 and have purchased 12 cars in your lifetime...I'm 31 and have sold over 500! This is how it will play out Mr. Stroke!

Next, you'll go to the first guy because pride will set in and you're just not ready to come visit me so you'll tell him the truth and say you have 250 because you're tired of playing games...And that's the number I gave you and after about 8 hours, you'll get right back to that real number of 300??? You'll be fed up and as you go for the door, they'll shout out 290!

This is the moment of truth! If you take this deal, you will have won...But you can't stop thinking about what you heard:

"I'll do 250 a month! So please, please, please buy the car from me. I'm so sorry I'm a bad bad car salesman and you are superior to me in every way and I am the scum of the earth and will bend over backwards to sell you a car."

so you'll walk away and make it over to me! Yes..Now I've got you!

You'll spend 5 minutes here and I'll tell you everything that happened to you and after a little shock and anger, I'll tell you 300! And you'll say you had 290 down the street and I'll laugh and ask you to show it to me in writing.

I'll then ask you to come up with Tax and License and tell you that it was not included in my calculations for your payment and you'll be too tired to care. I will make tons of money off of you and retire early. I will buy a house in the Bahamas just to say I have one there and I will wipe my butt with Benjamin's!

Welcome to the Big leagues Mr. Stroke! And the plaque for the alternates is in the ladies room!

The Life of a Car Salesman

2005-07-03T15:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday @ 3:00pm I received a phone call from "Jack"

Ernie: Hi, this is Ernie, how can I help you?
Jack: Look man, I don't play any games and I don't want to waste any time. I want your bottom line on that Ridgeline truck you have.
Ernie: It's 28400 plus tax, title, license...When do you plan on coming in? And what color do you want so that I can have it ready for you?
Jack: I don't want to waste any time, so what time do you open at? I want this to be quick and I don't want any funny business.
Ernie: We open at 9am, and I'm not scheduled in till 1pm, so you can ask for/
Jack: Look, I don't want to be flipped from person to person, so is there any way you can meet me there?
Ernie: I'll be there at 9am...How do you like your coffee? If you find yourself running late, here's my cell number 562-895-8850 and you call me okay?
Jack: Thanks so much Eddie...I really appreciate it and I look forward to buying my truck from you.
Ernie: Yes, well be sure to ask for ERNIE when you get here...Not Eddie okay?
Jack: Okay, I'm sorry..I'll see you at 9am (laughs) and I like it black!

-------------------------------

Today at 9am

I'm sitting in my office with black freaking coffee and no Jack?

received a phone call @ 9:45am

Jack: Hey, Eddie, I'm running a bit late...So I'm going to take the family out for breakfast, so I'll be there in an hour or so...Sorry to keep you bud.

received a phone call @ 10:30am

Jack: I'm like 20 minutes away and I got a call from some family that's coming in from out of town, so I'm going to turn around and open up the house for them and I'll be there by 11am or so.

arrived at 1:o2pm ( I was scheduled in at 1pm.)

Jack: I got this trade in...1978 Chevy pick-up with 165,788 miles on it. I wont take anything but top dollar for it and I want you to lower your price another grand.

A brief summary of things that happened next, and if you don't understand it all, I'll blog about it later:

Kick the trade
Switch
Frost him over
Take away
Hit the ceiling
Slap the 3rd
Benjamin Franklin

closed @ 3:12pm

run the credit and the guy doesn't qualify to buy a mouse trap...Before I tell him this...I do a full demo on a FULLY LOADED RIDGELINE and bump the guy a nifty...Thanks for making me wake up early "JACK"

venting out frustration at 3:20pm with the help of blogger! :)

Math 101

2005-07-01T19:47:00.000-07:00

Lets just see how well we know our math here people! (yes...I'm frustrated because people with no comprehension of basic mathematics always seem to want to buy their cars from me!)

If you have ZERO money for a down payment and you want your monthly payment to be $200
for no more that 4 years, that's like saying you want a car that costs:

0 + 200 x 48= $9600

How exactly does the math we just figured out equate to what you want?

0 + 200 x 48= $24,000 (including tax, license and interest charges)

Oh Wait! Maybe if it was like algebra?

a (which is my time) + b (which is your time) = C (waste)
How exactly do these people even get internet access??? It's like they say in the car industry:

Champagne taste on a beer budget!

Just Call Me "2 MAN SHOW"

2005-06-29T22:56:00.000-07:00

It has been said that a 2 person short form improv show just can't be done. Maybe you can pull it off once, but the risk is so great that you shouldn't even try it! I though Risk was part of improv? I haven't been around too many people that have performed a 2 person show and lived to tell about it, and tonight I accomplished the impossible!

Mark your calendar! June 29th 2005. The location was U.C. Santa Barbara and the audience was 550 screaming teenage boy jocks from all over the state at Campbell Hall, where the famous John Leguizamo once stood and now will be remembered forever as the place that Ernie Macias performed, not his first....Not his second (to which he almost died)...But yes people! His Third 2 MAN SHOW!

I could not have done it without the flakes for friends I have and my loving Oh Manna brother's. Tonight's performance was for all of you! I really felt like I reached a certain evolution tonight and have completely lost any fear from here on out. Congrat's to Brent for membership into the paid professional ranks of Improv Comedy...and in the words of Barry Martinez..."He didn't suck".

Thanks,

2MANSHOW

Reality Junkie

2005-06-28T21:42:00.000-07:00

They found a way to hybrid reality T.V. and I lover it! I just finished watching "Average Joe" and they voted off 6 guys and took one to the side and gave him a complete make-over with plastic surgery and everything! I don't know what I liked more, the actual idea itself and the fearlessness it takes to just do something so risky, or the sweet Bionic Man theme song they played while they were rebuilding the geek! Classic! I want to see more hybrid shows now...Like...Lets just make some up right now...

Survivor/Extreme Home Make-Over/Ballroom Dancing/Fear Factor/Nanny 911

While the survivor's are away, their entire home gets made over and if they win, they get to keep the house, but if the lose, their house in blown-up live on National T.V. They get a chance to rebuild every room one week at a time as they compete in Ballroom Dancing with B Celebrities that have to interact with their kids. They get the loving help of a Super Nanny that in turn, gets to punish kids by making them eat blended rat and rotten pig testicles.

There are no limits now! You gotta love it!

Oh Yeah!

2005-06-27T16:34:00.000-07:00

I am really overwhelmed a bit here at work. Everyone treats me like I'm some kind of an adult or something??? What's up with that! I need to make like 200 phone calls today and I have the nastiest sounding voice...I had a lot of Fun Saturday Night for my Improv Show with the Crazies and my voice is paying for it now. I really need to work on that...I took the family out last night and we saw Batman Begins. Great Movie! I really like that fine line between good and evil and having a villian that is right there in the border is always amusing.

There's a receptionist here that is neither fat or skinny and her fine line is the G-String she's wearing...that's just pure evil...guh!

News and Notes

2005-06-25T14:49:00.000-07:00

I love my new Job. I lost my voice last night after our Improv Show and I have another show with the crazies tonight. I miss my wife and kids and it's my little Samuel's 5th Birthday today. I made a really nice commission yesterday. I think I've gained a few pounds. I haven't played tennis in over a week. I'm all out of time!

New Job

2005-06-22T22:03:00.000-07:00

I just got hired at Norm Reeves Honda Superstore as an internet manager and my first day was like the first day at a new school and no one knows you well enough to act themselves yet. I know I don't actually work at a wax museum...Right? Everyone there is extremely professional and the dealership is state of the art from video e-mail to touch sensor's on the bathroom soap thingy. I feel like an All-Star or something as I walk around. It seems that The #1 Honda Store in the Nation has a bit of an image and reputation so when people see your name badge, you're automatically some kind of sales freak or something...I like it.

I got my thumb print scanned today and it wasn't from the cop's! They have this vault that keeps all the keys and you just touch this pad with your thumb and viola! It's the coolest thing in the world. If there was a job that required me to stand next to the vault 60 hours a weeks and get everyone keys, I would seriously consider it! Anyways, love the job so far and much improv to do these next few weeks. Rehearsal tomorrow, show on Friday and Saturday and then a BIG gig in Santa Barbara next Wednesday. I'm feeling pretty good right now and look forward to the exhaustion to come.

Harassment

2005-06-20T21:13:00.000-07:00

I think the video that employers and their H.R. departments make you watch regarding harassment in the work place should in itself be considered harassment as well. I haven't seen acting that bad since.... I looked in a mirror, but at least that was freakin private. I wanted to laugh out loud at the horrible acting and staged blocking of the whole production, but laughing may give someone the impression that I may actually condone bad stereotypical jokes about Jews and Cripples. *I mean, who am I to judge someone for being cheap and a burden to society?

*yes...that was a joke!

Oh, and I start working at "The Superstore" on Wednesday...unless they read my blog???

Happy Father's Day

2005-06-19T17:32:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's Day! I got a "Naruto" action figure and accessories from my kids and a bunch of "Happy Father's Day" from co-workers and clients. I've had this weird feeling all day here that today might just very well be my last day at Honda World Downey, so this will definately be a Father's Day to remember. One final interview tomorrow and I may ba a "Ballah" for realsies!

Free Lunch Tip #7

2005-06-17T17:01:00.000-07:00

I haven't actually had a chance to try this one, but this is how it works. You walk around with a Bag from Olive Garden or something and ask is anyone has change for a $50. You tell the person you ordered lunch and just need to tip the guy like $5. No one will have change and since you're saying you're going to tip the guy that much, everyone see's you as a baller and someone will inevitably just give you $5. Now you have money for your Free Lunch and you still look good!

Ballroom Dancing

2005-06-16T18:55:00.000-07:00

I'm still extremely hooked on this new reality show. I feel a bit sad that Evander got the Jive-Boot yesterday, but it made me think of what potential "B" celebrities could make up next season's show. Got any Ideas? Here's a list off the top of my head...becasue I'm an improviser and I can do that sort of thing!

Season two:

Richard Hatch
Erik Estrada
Ant
Nicole Eggert
Keri Russell
Debbie Gibson

Are you a "B" celebrity?

New Job?

2005-06-16T18:45:00.000-07:00

I'm testing the free agent market and I really like being courted by other potential employer's. Is this how a dating single girl feels? I think I like it. No free dinner yet, but I've gotten ton's of number's! It looks like the biggest Honda Dealer in the Nation may be where I end up, but will I be viewed as a gold digger?

Mailer

2005-06-15T14:42:00.000-07:00

My department here at work is running a Mailer to get our profits up. The mailer is targeted to people with bad credit that are apparently retarded...No wonder they can't pay their bills. I also stare in awe at the people that come in with these things. How they continue to fall for these things is a complete mystery to me.

Let's Trade Keys!
bring in any car and we'll trade you for one of our newer pre-owned vehicles!
(never said it was free...Duh!)

We Finance Everyone!
You're pre-approved for up to $28,000.
(never told you it requires a $27,000 down payment...Duh!)

Top Dollar Trade-in!
We'll pay $1000 over Blue Book for your trade! Even if it doesn't run!
(never told you we'd charge an extra $1000 to the selling price...Duh!)

You have won Up to 10,000!
If your numbers match the scratcher number (they always do), you have won up to $10,000
(key: "Up To" read the back moron! It's one in 50 million...Take your $5 and buy yourself a shake!...Duh!)

We'll pay off your trade!
No matter what you owe, we'll pay it off!
(never told you we'd simply add it to your new loan and you'll need the exact difference as a down payment...Duh!)

It's going to be a long weekend! Can you tell I'm already irritated?

KT-ism

2005-06-15T12:29:00.000-07:00

My in-laws just got back from a two week trip to Puerto Rico. The KT bunch (my wife is Katy and my children and I are affectionately know as the bunch) went over last night to visit and my father-in-law was going off about how car insurance is only $150 per year there. My wife's response:

"But isn't it an Island? I mean, if they steal someone's car, where are they going to go with it...To the other side of the Island?"

Classic KT-ism.

T.U.I.

2005-06-14T19:04:00.000-07:00

Does Texting under the Influence exist? I'd like to see a few examples if possible. I think it should maybe be a sobriety test for cops when they pull you over.

Cop: You had a few too many there buddy?
Drunk: AAhhhh....nope! I'm prefectly fine ocifer!
Cop: Oh Really? Got your cell phone handy?
Drunk: aahhhhh....Never leave out with home it!
Cop: Text me at 555-1234 and tell me you're not drunk then!
Drunk: (fumbles with phone a bit)....aaahhhh...there!
Cop: (looks at his phone: I M NOT DRUNK!) Ok sir, you're free to go!
Drunk: (pulls away) Gotta love them tentaplates! aaahhhhh!!!

Last Playboy #6

2005-06-10T15:28:00.000-07:00

Bill Weatherall
1968-2003

"There aint nothin better that rushin a mound with your cocker on semi pulsin 335 balls a mini and you bunker a quad with a splat in the face!" That used to be what you'd here Bill say after a day of Paintball in Corona. The Weatherall's have a big family that all inhabit Singleville until their late 40's but Bill is now the exception. A day in traffic court for shooting at stop signs with his Spider Pump landed Bill in the office of Julie Blush, a rugged social worker with a love for Laser Tag. They hit it of instantly and rushed their way to an engagement a few weeks later. Wipers get three more, but I can't stop the tears! Just remember to keep your barrel plug in Bill!

Combo #3

2005-06-10T14:31:00.000-07:00

Today I am having a sweet and sour kind of day. Ever had one of those?

Shadow Punch

2005-06-08T19:34:00.000-07:00

I got out of the shower the other day and my 4 year old asked me how I got the scar on my side (Appendix) so I told him I was attacked by Ninja. I went into an elaborate story about how I defeated the Evil Ninja and their powerful Warlord and in the process of this epic battle, I was injured by his sword which I now keep as a trophy. (Actually a prop from a Mad Max version of Macbeth I did in College.)

He asked how I was able to defeat the evil Ninja after being injured and I told him I used the deadly Shadow Punch! My 12 year old, being quite the little improviser, came over with a pillow and I proceeded to Shadow Punch him from across the room as my 4 year old stood in amazement as the 12 year old flew against the wall and was knocked out!

Later....The 4 year old was trying to shadow punch his little sister for not sharing her crayons. That beats dinner and dancing any day!

Not Old Enough

2005-06-08T16:05:00.000-07:00

Losing in that tennis tournament was at least a learning experience. As we rallied with our respective opponents (I rallied with the guy across from me & the same for my partner), I thought to myself, "We could both wipe the floor with the guy we're rallying with". But, somehow, when we teamed up, they were a better twosome than my partner & I made.

Thinking back, I think there's an analogy there for a pastor or some kind of lesson at a marriage retreat how two are stronger than one, or two great individuals don't necessarily make a great team. Blah blah blah.

I think these old guys aren't good because they're old, but because they've humbled themselves as their bodies don't work as good and they work on the things they actually still can do (playing at the net) and they become really good at those things. We're still (somewhat) young and can do a lot of things, so maybe we get unfocused trying to play every aspect of the game.

Or maybe...we should have practiced as a doubles team before entering the tournament.

Thought Train

2005-06-06T22:12:00.000-07:00

I've been so busy here at work lately that I have been ignoring my thought bank. Have I been too busy to even think? I don't know? Maybe I'm still just down about that whole tennis tourny thing...I played in a tennis tournament with my best bud and lost in the first round...To some blue hairs....7-5, 3-6, 6-2....And I can't blame it entirely on my partner this year....And work sucks hecka bad here lately....I'm venting and not even that good....It's late and I'm stuck here at work because I have yet to replace my dream car....I miss driving fast to work....I'm in last place in my fantasy baseball league.....I have a wedding to go to on Saturday and can't get the day off.....I have a head-ache.....My tie got a stain on it today.....I had no Free Lunch.....I need a hair cut.....I sold a car tonight to a girl who asked how old I was and when I told her to guess, she said "like 40 or something"....I gave her a higher rate on purpose!...I miss Felicity....I lost my Jewel CD.....I now listen to JackFM more than KROQ because I just don't get the music that much anymore.....What's a Weenie Roast?

Older, not Wiser

2005-06-04T20:10:00.000-07:00

I played in a tennis tourny today with my best buddy (and soon to be new member of the O.C. Crazies) and while we thought we would be sand-bagging in the "C" level doubles play, we got worked in three sets! (5-7,6-3,2-6) "C" you next year!

Marr'ed Bliss

2005-06-02T17:51:00.000-07:00

"The last thing you want to hear after sex" is always a funny list to read, and while I can still remember being young and single ( if I think really hard about that 6 month span), I though I would come up with my own list just for Married Peep's!

"The last thing a Married Person wants to hear after SEX"

#5
"Mommy, is Daddy being Australian again?"

#4
"Good...just in time for Desperate Housewives"

#3
"Did you [insert chore]?"

#2
"Your Mother called today"

#1
"Honey! I'm Home!"

"B" Happy

2005-06-02T16:35:00.000-07:00

I can't believe my eyes have now seen Evander Hollyfield in a tight silk shirt doing "Ballroom Dancing" on prime time T.V. It's moments like this that make me wonder if there really is something that "B" celebrities wont do! I love the reality T.V. and while it does tend to sometimes capitalize off of other's misfortunes, if you can laugh about it, it's ok right?

How does an agent pitch that kind of concept to a "B" celebrity anyways? And if you find yourself with a big gig sometime in your life and having cushy seats at an Oscar's (not as a seat filler) and your agent calls you for something like this...

PITCH

A) ROBIN in the HOOD!
Robin Givens and a cast of top celebrities (The Merry Men) head out to East L.A. where they participate in "criminal activity" with some of the most "dangerous" gangsters in the Hood! Everything is under the careful watch of L.A.'s finest SWAT team as they learn how to steal a car to make a silencer out of a potatoe for a pipe gun! Every week, one celebrity will be voted out by Robin and be FRIAR'D!

...you are a "B" Celebrity!

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

2005-06-02T08:53:00.000-07:00

I don't really care much for reality tv, but I did have a sketch idea about reality tv that I wanted to share here. Actually, it was a dream I had a couple nights ago.

It's about that metrosexual Ty Pennington & the home makeover people on ABC. And here's the spin:

Ratings are low. Ty and his crew have been doing the whole "redo some hard-luck family's run-down home in two days and make their miserable lives happy for just a little while" thing....but America is tired of seeing this warm & fuzzy type of television, this is America, after all, the country that gets disappointed when freeway police chases don't end in a violent spree of bullets and bloodshed.

So, what does Ty & his team do to stir things up. Tune in to their latest episode:

Ty: We just got a video from the Toledo family. Let's watch it. (TY puts in tape.)

Mr. Toledo: My name is Gus Toledo. I have six kids. My wife just died in a horrible car crash. My youngest son just got a rare disease that makes his bones grow on the outside of his skin. My third oldest was born with his feet pointing backwards and he has a dream of being a professional punter in the NFL. My oldest boy just went to Iraq---he's not in the military or anything, it was just his luck that there was a war when he entered the foreign exchange student program to Fallujah community college. But, worst of all, is I was working 80 hours in a pickle factory and I just lost my job after 35 years of dedicated service. My boss, Mr. Lopez, is such a jerk! Anyway, Ty I'm hoping you come bring your bus over to our house & fix up our leaky faucet in the kitchen. Thank you.

(Ty addresses his team. The girls are wiping away tears.)

Ty: Guys, this Toledo family breaks my heart. But, unfortunately Sears and ABC won't endorse our hokey makeovers anymore. So, instead of going to help the Toledo family, we're going to pay a visit to Mr. Lopez's house and give him a makeover!

(Bus pulls up at Mr. Lopez's house. The team comes running out with jackhammers, demolition ball, and other implements of destruction.)

Mr. Lopez: What's going on here?
Ty: You're getting an ABC extreme makeover!!!
Mr. Lopez: Yes!!!
(That other metrosexual smashes the windows with a sledgehammer.)
Mr. Lopez: Wait my kids are still in there!
Blonde Woman: (setting fire to shrubbery) This is what you get for messing with the Toledo family.
(Latina Woman helps Toledo boy with backwards feet kick the Lopez dog.)
Ty: (in megaphone) Three points!
(Ty takes a sledgehammer into the house.)
Ty: Sears has generously donated this black & decker sledgehammer, available in all stores across the nation. I helped design this one myself.
(Ty smashes Lopez family urn with grandma's ashes in it.)
CUT TO: Hours later. A heaping pile of rubble and ashes lay where the Lopez family used to sit.
Ty: Well, guys, we made our deadline. It almost looked like we wouldn't, but we pulled it together to help make the Toledo family's dream come true.
Youngest Toledo Boy: (sticking out bony thumb) Tank yew, ABC!

Optional ending for better ratings.
Ty: So, Mr. Toledo, why did you lose your job at the pickle factory?
Toledo: Well, after 35 years of service, I always had a dream to stick my pickle in the pickle slicer. So, I did. And they fired me.
Ty: Wow! What happened with the pickle slicer?
Toledo: They fired her, too!

Roll credits.

Heart Ache

2005-05-31T13:55:00.000-07:00

I have a friend that's in a gang. They have their annual convention in the hard streets of east side Downey every year and I feel that he is getting to old to be mixing himself up with these gangster's. They call themselves "Los Reyes" (means "The Kings" in spanish) What should I do. He denies his involvement but I saw the invite on his entertainment center next to his autographed picture of Brett Favre.

Wassappening Los Reyes!

Dont mits out on ar anaol meetink aight!
este Friday at el street fehr!

r. esse. v. p.

Taco
Tut
Lion
Marina Del
Burger
Don
Charles
Ban
clubs
diamond
spade
hearts ( <---that's my friend, King of Hearts...sad.)
Mambo
Arthur
Hi
Y el original REYKING

I have a feeling there's going to me some kind of rumble and I don't want my little buddy to get hurt. What can I do?

King of the Road

2005-05-31T08:52:00.000-07:00

.

My Dream Bike

I was twenty-three years old. Just a young married guy with a full-time job and a full-time wife and a full-time dream of being a part-time motorcycle-riding biker with full benefits with no deductible.

I sold my comic book collection (including an X-Men #3 and Groo #1!) and laid down my down payment for a hot new Suzuki Hayabusa LT3400. Man, that bike was sweet. I used to scream, "2-Wheelin' Baby!!" as I drove through the empty parking lot of Cerritos Community College. You see, I had to first prove to the state of California that I could operate this deadly machine. Who are you, Gray Davis, my dad or something?

Anyway, my instructor, Lt. Jones, a retired officer of the California Highway Patrol didn't appreciate my constant screaming and attempts to hop those cement thingies that they put at the end of parking spaces. But, despite that, I think he still would've let me graduate if I hadn't asked if CHP stood for "Cruddy Half-Brained Policeman". I was given an immediate 'F' in the class and wasn't even refunded my registration fees.

Well, I learned my lesson. And I don't mean in a sarcastic way, because I had stolen the written materials from the class and studied how to ride my 'Zuki. I decided to cruise at night when there are less police and take it to the streets. Little did I know that I would never make it to the streets (plural), but just the street (singular)----1 street-----Elburg, to be specific. I pulled out of my driveway and what did I see, but one of those god-forsaken razor scooter kids cutting me off. I attempted one of those sweet peelin'-rubber-donut moves I see on the t.v., but instead I skidded forty feet on hot asphalt. Some smart-alec kid ran to where I stopped sliding, stuck out both arms and yelled, "Safe!" I would've taught him a lesson or two Lt. Jones-style if I hadn't of passed out from the sight of my own blood.

My wife made me sell the bike back in the Recycler the following week and that was it for my dream bike. But, for one glorious Southern California weekend, I was King of the Road!

Last Playboy #5

2005-05-30T14:02:00.000-07:00

Robert Nash
1979-2003

Robert was working his way into semi-pro wrestling after dominating the Fontucky area as the hooded "WHITE-THRASH". His hopes and dreams soon turned left about as quick as Jeff Gordon's #24 at Indy when he started hunting down a copy of the very popular SLY movie "Over the Top". A clerk at the local 92 cent video rental gave him the space number of the last known check-out and Fate took it from there. His encounter with the stocky, yet fully toothed Nicole Lester was the beginning of a dynamic Tag Team Match made in Heaven...And the end of a Single Man's personal aspirations. Robert will be missed and we wish WHITE-THRASH and RED-NIC the very best!

Dream Car

2005-05-29T13:08:00.000-07:00

When I has about 13 I fell in Love with cars and that love may be why I do what I do today. A little over 2 years ago I found an 85 Mitsubishi Starion ESI Turbo Inter-Cooled. What I thought was one of my dream cars shortly turned into a nightmare. I don't know what attracts me to these rare car's that no one has heard of, and seeing as parts are extremely difficult to find and mechanics generally know nothing about them, I had to give up my baby for risk of shooting myself!

Here's a picture:

I got her up to 110 once on the 10W. One of the happiest Days of my life!

Seeing all these car's being sold this weekend is a constant reminder that I have yet to find a replacement for my driving passion. I'm sure my wife doesn't mind sharing her mini-van with me, but I Have the need...The need for speed! If you see one of these cars with a FOR SALE sign near you, let me know. These cars are on a short list to be my next nightmare!

1985 Lotus Esprit (I'd paint it black though)

1985 Porsche 928S (yes...I have a thing for 1985)

1985 Buick Grand National (this is a dream car to any Hispanic kid that grew up in Paramount!)

1985 Pontiac Fiero (This one I'd take in black or Red)

And this final sweet thing is a long shot and even harder to find than the 85 Starion, but If you find it, there's big money in it for you!

1985 Puma GTI (I'd settle for any Puma between the years of 82-85)

I know I'm a geek and have now shown you a side of me that is strange and dumb, but it's me, and it's what I like. I need sleep!

Momma always said...

2005-05-27T20:34:00.000-07:00

My mom told me a TON of scary stories growing up, but did you hear that Viagra causes Blindness? Next they'll tell me it also gives you Hairy Palms!

...and now Back to the Sale!

HONDA SUPER SALE

2005-05-27T15:28:00.000-07:00

I kissed my kids good-bye this morning and do not expect to see my bed for the next 120 hours. I worked from 9am to 2am last night and I already maxed my limit on red bull. I LOVE HONDA!

Rude Awakening

2005-05-26T14:08:00.000-07:00

I got another Idea for a Reality T.V. Show today. Have you ever had a friend that exagerates about anything and everything? You know, like a buddy who tells you he scammed with Claire Forlani before she was famous or how Tea Leoni used their bathroom one day to go #2? I think it would make great television to set these people up!

(High in the Mountains of Big Bear, two friends find themselves camping.)
Billy: Yeah, Claire was so into me back in college. We had a thing, but I broke it off when she got all stalker on me. She still calls me every once in a while.
Jeff: Yeah?
Billy: She was hot in "Meet Joe Black" but she was smoking back in College.
Jeff: (fakes a snake bite from an anamatonic snake planted there by the show) AAhhhHH!!! I just got bit by a snake! (starts to run frantically and conveniently ends up at a road where there is a big sign reading "Private Property".) I think I'm going to faint...I need medical attention...quick...lets go to that house up this hill!
Billy: (picks up Jeff and makes his way up to the house on the hill.) We're almost there buddy...hang on!
Jeff: Oh Look! There's a sign at the front door! What does it say? My vision is getting weak from the poison!
Billy: It says "Claire Forlani's House".
Claire: Who's out there making all that noise?
Jeff: Hi, I got bit by a snake!... and you remember Billy Right? How could either of you forget that night in the back of the Shakey's Pizza!

MUST SEE

The Last PLayboy #4

2005-05-26T12:06:00.000-07:00

Glenn and Gary Forrester

Set those Phaser's to "Stun" ladies because the Forrester Boys are in your Tricorder digi-thermal graphic sensor array scanner. Glenn and Gary met at an Anime Convention in Sherman Oaks 12 years ago and they had been terrorizing the single quadrant at warp speed for Shmahcktak (Klingon for "years".) They had a good thing going until late December of 2003 when they met Bertha and Claudine Kemblowski at a "Lord of the Rings" convention in Minooka and later played a little strip "Harry Potter" RISK while downing some Madori Sour's. A little boobage and an intermediate knowledge of Star Trek Trivia had claimed a double kill to the singlehood family. Glenn and Gary, engage!

Free lunch Tip #23

2005-05-24T14:01:00.000-07:00

I did it again! This one works like a charm, but you never know when you're going to cash it in. This tip can also fall under the Put Together category. When someone decides to buy lunch for the whole office, do your best to find someone who doesn't know who paid for it and take credit. Here are some things you can say to take credit without coming straight out and possibly getting caught.

"Good huh? I wonder who paid?"
"Hey, enjoy! I know what goes around comes around right?"
"Is this food okay with you? I just wanted to be sure."
"Nothing tastes better than free food...My food was ok."

A few days or weeks later....FREE LUNCH!

The Last Playboy #3

2005-05-24T13:58:00.000-07:00

Geechie Maldonado 1979-2003

Geechie Maldonado was a movie theatre usher that always wanted to break into the world of court reporting. He watched law movies studying the mannerisms of those stoic courtroom typists. He practiced his finger exercises while tearing tickets making sure each digit was properly utilized. He never saw his fingers doing the walking for anything else, until he said "3rd theatre on your right" to Jewel Anaya. Jewel was an acoustic-guitar playing girl from La Mirada whose skin glowed like belly buster licorice and she was just as fat-free. Jewel's first words to him were, "nice bowtie" and it didn't take longer than a smash of the gavel for Geechie to say "Case dismissed. I plead guilty---guilty of loving Jewel Anaya." Right then and there the Norwalk superior court lost a great court reporter and the bachelor world lost another brave soldier. Good-bye Geechie, we hardly knew ya!

Priority Check

2005-05-24T12:21:00.000-07:00

I had a late night last night and wanted a snack before going home, so I made a stop at Albertson's and picked up some chocolate chip cookies. I was going down the aisle to pay and saw that they had bread on sale and got excited...yes, I got excited because bread was on sale. I know I'm getting old and my priorities have changed from when I was 17, but I never though I would get excited about bread being on sale....this got me thinking what else would excite me in my later years.

I just hope I never get excited for the New Early Bird Menu the Blue Hairs rave about on Tuesday and Thursday mornings.

Last Playboy #2

2005-05-23T16:25:00.000-07:00

Tad Hanson 1978-2004

Tad lived a bachelor's life that most everyone would envy. He constantly capitalized on the perks of being a Fireman and his work schedule was a great turn off to that girl that was looking to settle down. He faced danger every day and was always getting himself out of a hot jam, but nothing could have prepared him for the devastation that would engulf him on Jan. 14th 2004.

It was early morning about 7:15 am when the station received the 911 call of a fire on Spry Street and Jersey in the city of Norwalk. Tad grew up right around there so this call hit close to home. As he arrived at the location he realized that it was the house of an old friend...1996 Prom Queen and his former Secret Crush at Santa Fe High School...Maria De Los Angeles Concepcion Ramirez. Bad times had come her way after high school and after a failed attempt at modeling and flunking out of Barbazon, she was now living in a trailer parked in the front yard of her parents home. 3 dates and the realization that Maria would not give it up without a ring, Tad proposed on Valentines Day (he forgot to get her a present and was really horny) and was injured later that evening trying to do the Salsa with one too many shots of Patron. He subsequently went on un-employment and with nowhere to run, Feb. 14th claimed another victim from singlehood.

Sneaking into work late

2005-05-23T15:37:00.000-07:00

Some of you lucky dogs that get to work in offices should be able to appreciate the fine art of sneaking in late. Try some of these tips soon.

1. Leave your briefcase/bag in the car. Walk directly into work with nothing on you, as if you've been there for awhile.
2. For an extra something to #1, walk in with a fax in your hand (it's a nice touch!)
3. If you're a guy, roll up your sleeves before entering---it gives you that 'been there all day' look.
4. If you're a lady, as soon as you enter scream, "Is it Friday yet?" It's so daring, they won't question you at all (only ladies can get away with this bold move)
5. Go directly to the kitchen and start eating. If anyone looks at you funny, just shake your head with a tired look and say, 'some day, huh?' or better yet, "I've been waiting for this burrito all morning!" (make sure you're eating burrito when you say this)

Free Lunch Tip #14

2005-05-23T13:18:00.000-07:00

This one worked like a charm today, so as I sit here in my fullness, I will share with you yet another Free Lunch Tip.

If you have a break room, make it a point to go by there from time to time to see if anyone has decided to make a run for a group of employee's. If you see a lot of trash from Del Taco, chances are there was a big order placed earlier that day.

Today happened to be Pollo Loco day and as I saw all the empty Pollo Bowl's, I quickly ran up to my office and called the local Pollo Loco:

(pick up phone and dial local Pollo Loco)
Juan: Pollo Loco, how may I help you?
Ernie: Yes, who am I speaking with?
Juan: what?
Ernie: What is your name?
Juan: Oh...this is Juan?
Ernie: Hi, Juan, my assitant ordered a big order from there today and you got my order wrong...again! I specifically asked for White Meat only and I have to tell you, I'm getting a little sick about the whole thing! We order from you all the time and as I pay for most of these big orders, would it be too much to ask for to get my personal order right every so often! Are you the manager there Juan?
Juan: please hold (Power 106 music plays in the background) What did you order sir...we will be more than happy to deliver it correctly for you.

FREE LUNCH

Fashion Man

2005-05-23T09:56:00.000-07:00

I'm bringing back Over-All's. I have decided to go buy a pair at Old Navy and start wearing them at the mall on my days off. I remember when Jimmy Kimmel, my close friend, started "Jack-Hole" and everyone looked at him like he was crazy. I look forward to the day when people everywhere will be wearing Over-All's and saying "Jack-Hole" becasue that would be Hela!

Back to Blogging

2005-05-21T10:10:00.000-07:00

I had a much needed vacation so I've been off for a week or so, but I'm back! Sorry...You probably thought you'd be getting rid of me right? Forget about this blogging business right? Why would you care anyways right? It's not like you read this thing very often right? I think we both know that you can't live without my witty ramblings now don't we! I see the report of how many looks this little blog of mine gets, and while you sit there, snooping around in silence, not commenting on things, bringing up topics I've written about during an occasional conversation and passing them off as coincidence? I will continue to Blog!

Hot Tip

2005-05-15T10:35:00.000-07:00

This is a tip for all the guys out there that don't always know what to say to the ladies. I know how difficult it can be sometimes to answer a question from a female, and seeing as 82% of every question they ask is loaded, I have developed a simple formulated equation to help combat this scenario.

A few things before use:

1) (MOOD) You must think remember back to a time when you first fell in love. This doesn't necessarily have to be with a girl...It can be when you got your first B.B. Gun or when you drove that 67 Fastback up the coast to Tijuana...Whatever it is, you must put yourself in that frame of mind to use this equation.

2) (LAUGH) Think of a really funny joke or moment in time that had you rolling! It is important for you to visualize this moment because the laugh has to be real. This is HUGE!

Once you have rehearsed these two steps and can instantly put yourself in the right MOOD and be able to LAUGH sincerely, you will be ready for the REPLY.

3)(REPLY) This is crucial and also the easiest of the three steps. All you have to do for the reply is take the last few words that your lady said and repeat them back to her! Them you (FINISH) it off with "I love You".

Lady: Do I look fat in this?
You: (MOOD) + fat in this? (REPLY) + (LAUGH) + "I love You". (FINISH)

Lady: Do you think she's pretty?
You:(M)+she's pretty?(R)+(L)+(F)

Some questions will take a little thinking on your part to have them fit the formula

Lady: Did you have fun without me tonight?
You:(M)+Fun without you?(R)+(L)+(F)

If you can't quickly think of a way to plug her question into the formula...Use this answer, but try not to use it so much. It is very effective, but they build up an immunity to it after a while.

Lady: So if I were to die, who would you Marry of the people we know right now?
You: "When you said that right now, it reminded me how lucky I am to have you".

So just remember: (MOOD) + (REPLY) + (LAUGH) + (FINISH)

or

"When you said that right now, it reminded me how lucky I am to have you".

Book Idea

2005-05-14T10:08:00.000-07:00

I was playing with this idea some time ago with my best buddy and it just popped in my head right now, so I figured I should write it down...It might help me to finish it.

The Last Playboy

This book is a collection of obituaries that detail a single mans life and death into commitment. Every Page will have the picture of a guy in whatever face/pose/location and then underneath will give their story as to how they died to singlehood.

JAMIE JONES "Zig"
1981-2004

It was to be a nice summer day of surfing at Newport on August 23rd 2004. Jamie had made plans to go see "The Crue" later that evening when tragedy struck. "I was waxing my board when this hot chick comes up to me and says she's looking for her dog" Jamie said. His Father had told him many times not to talk to attractive women that weren't already drunk, and especially not in the middle of the day, but he was caught off guard as she seemed to be really into the fact that he surfs. It was 11:53 am when it finally happened. Jamie had a poncho next to his back pack and as the breeze started to pick up, the Female got the chills and started rubbing her arms. " I had no idea that offering my poncho to her would seal my fate" recalls Jamie. The "poncho-borrow" has claimed yet another victim in Singlehood. Jamie leaves behind his best friends, Turtle, Weed Head and Zag.

War of Words

2005-05-13T12:57:00.000-07:00

It's amazing the things that can be said with just a few words. It's not just the words themselves obviously, but the tone and body language that's associated with the words that can cause a beautiful moment or in the case of this morning, a full on war! A good salesman knows this power and does his best to use it for the good of humanity...and his wallet, and then there are some that use this power for evil. This knowledge can be used on occassion to JUNK a fellow salesperson and get them in a mental status that will not allow them to sell a car. Why would someone do this? To better their odds for the weekend of selling by having less salespeople motivated to sell or for just plain evil like my enemy this morning.

The enemy: Mireya

This is the battle as I remember it:

Mireya: Hi Arnie...nice to see you here.
(real meaning: I don't care who you are and think so low of you, I don't even remember your real name. I'm surprised to see you still work here since you haven't sold a car since Sunday!)

Ernie: Happy belated Mother's Day Mireya
(real meaning: I know your son knocked up some little tramp that now lives with you and I'm sure she got more attention than you did this weekend. I do know your name becasue I am better than you.)

Mireya: Did you get a donut? There's still some left over from the sales meeting.
(real meaning: I see you've lost some weight becasue you were a fat turd and now you have to limit yourself on what you eat. )

Ernie: Right...the sales meeting.
(real meaning: You've been here for 6 years and are still just a pathetic salesperson, while I was promoted to FLEET MANAGER in less than a years time and will probably be signing your checks in another 2 years.)

Mireya: Do you have a dollar I can borrow?
(real meaning: Oh crap! you're good. I think I'll kiss up to the fact that you make more than me and when the day does come that you sign my checks....maybe you'll move a decimal here or there in my favor.)

One battle of a life long WAR!

Revenge of the Blue Hairs

2005-05-12T21:27:00.000-07:00

Thursday Morning Tennis was bad today. The Blue Hairs decided to get me back, and they got me back good! I showed up at the same time that Doris did. Who is Doris? you may ask. Doris is a 73 year old retired nurse that still wears a tennis skirt. Not only was I getting hammered at the net with every floating serve that she did happen to make in...I had to look at her...bending over at the net...giving me finger signals...adjusting her underwear every time I had to serve...so as soon as I got to serve again, I nailed her in the back of the head with a 90 miler! It was an accident?

New Show Idea

2005-05-11T11:06:00.000-07:00

I am a true fan of the "Reality T.V." and an even bigger fan of Improv, so it came to me a few days ago that there should be a show that combines both! I really love this Blog thing...it helps me write stuff down as I'm sitting in fron tof my desk with my hand under my chin acting busy. I love my JOB!

So here's the set up: MISSION IMPROV-ABLE

Every episode has two improv troupes from anywhere in the nation battle it out in street improv challenges. The camera's catch the action and the behind the scene's improv drama that comes with every group. Each team has a different colored A-Team Van with their Troupe Name on it and they are given their mission as they are on route to a busy location like a beach or a shopping mall. Both teams are given the same mission, but the team to complete it in the funniest and most original way wins!

( Not-4-Profit, which consists of 5 players, 4 guys and a girl, sit in the back of the A-Team van as they read their challenge.)

Heff: Let me open it! Give it hear! (snatches envelope away from Shannon)
Shannon: Go to Hell!
Bernie: Hey come on guys, let's win this thing! what does it say?
Heff: (struggles to read) Make your way to the Del Amo Mall and find a man with an umbrella. Your Mission is to have him open it indoors as he hops on one leg.
Greg: That's Impossible! How are we going to do that?
Heff: I want to talk to my manager, this is just stupid! Do I get a Sag card for this? I've done Shakespeare in the Park!
Bernie: Can I join the other team or something? I do good voices and stuff.
(camera man nods in a "no" motion)
Tino: (Rodey Dangerfield voice)I tell ya, we get no respect!
Greg: Does anybody have a lighter? I can set off the sprinklers...
Shannon: and I'll just wear this itty bitty t-shirt..
Bernie: Now we're thinking! I'll buy some red ants at the Discovery Planet and while Shannon distracts him, I'll pretend to be a security guard and frisk him and slip them down his pants.
Greg: Give me the signal when the ants are planted and I'll set off the sprinklers
Heff: I'll pretend to be some gay guy and fart! as I sing a rap about Traffic!
(fade out to commercial)

Now that's Must See T.V.

The Put Together

2005-05-10T19:13:00.000-07:00

There are tons of terms in my line of work (car sales) that not many people know about. Since I've been selling, I've come to learn the meaning of so many wonderful words like:

Jack
Mooch
Grinder
Closer
Lay Down
Roach
Second baseman
Be-Back Bus
Shaker
Bus Driver

Now the highest ranking of all those words is the "Put Together" It has recently been defined in such movies as Oceans 11 and Snatch and every good salesman strives to "Put Someone Together" to make a deal or sometimes to simply get a *free lunch*. I have mastered this art and was a bit disturbed to see my 4 year old get "Put Together" by my wife earlier this morning. Here's the set-up:

>Wife is out gardening and setting down some Mulch in the front yard
>4 year old is sitting there but has verbally expressed that he does not want to help
>wife says"Oh, we could sure use some strong muscles to help us out over here"
>4 year old rolls up his sleeves and begins to help

Basic Put Together

Rainy Days

2005-05-09T13:47:00.000-07:00

What is it about the rain that always gets me down? It's not even really coming down like it has been all year, but it always gets my mind in a sad state. I went to grab an apple from my lunch bag a few minutes ago (paper bagging it today) and started thinking about those poor apples at Food 4 Less that don't get picked because they're all bruised up. Sure, I had no problem eating the perfect looking apple, but what about that apple that is a bit discolored or has a bruise or what looks like a possible worm hole at the bottom?

Then I started thinking about Christmas Tree's and new cars with scratches on them and how if someone does want them, they want some huge discount! I think I will be the VOICE for such things and will make it my goal to look out for all that is not so good looking but equally as good if you look past the mere looks of them...did that make any sense? Ok, how about a cool sounding name to give myself for being the voice...now I'm stuck thinking about all the cool Super Heroes out there that are equally as Super but don't have the cool sounding names....like Green Lantern! He'd kick Supermans butt, but doesn't have a cool name...I hate rainy days!

I am VOICE MAN!!!!

Your Momma!

2005-05-08T21:54:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mother's out there! I had a great day celebrating a day that is just for Mom's and it got me thinking of all the famous Mother's there are out there. Now my wife and Mom are obviously at the top of my list, but there are a ton of other Mother's out there that deserve some prop's on this day.

Mother Theresa
Mother Goose
Mother May I
The Mother of Invention
Old Mother Hubbard
Mommy Dearest
Mother Earth
Holy Mary Mother of God
Yo Momma!

Feel free to comment with any other Mother's I may have forgotten.

Apartment Living

2005-05-07T14:30:00.000-07:00

I was hanging out in an apartment community last night in Costa Mesa (don't ask how I got there...Please!) and the girl that lives there, who is also a Psychic and Bi-sexual, was telling me how she's nick-named everyone in the complex.

There's The Bird Man: He walks around with a parrot on his shoulder and at any given time will come up to anyone's screen door and start cursing at them. On occasion, he'll also hide behind a bush near the pool area and hop out and pretend to shoot people with his finger.

There's The B's: Which is actually Beat, Battered and Brat. This is a combo name given to the family that has had the cops come by more often that any other family. The man Beats his wife, the wife is Battered and the kid is a plain old Brat. Earlier that day, the woman was running around the complex pleading for anyone to let her in because she was scared for her life and as the Psychic (probably knowing that everything was going to be fine and hearing the loud footsteps of the man running from above) came to the door, and said, "I'll call the cops again for you" and slammed the door. Classic!

There's The Russian's: A family of three that live across the way and speak no English. The wife swims every night in the pool and gives everyone an evil eye.

There's Fo-Show: Now this guy is a GEM. Shortly after the psychic gave me the rundown on the complex, Fo-Show came to the door to see what was the "Hap's". Fo-Show is a tall, good looking white guy that sounds like "Ton-Loc". This guy is a RIOT and I do believe he is the apartment drug supplier....Oh! And he says Fo-Show about as much as I say Super. I tried to teach him Hela, but it didn't fly.

I think after last night, I want to move back into an apartment. I am missing way too much good character work. And the action is just non-stop. Through-out the course of the night, the manager must have called three time to tell the psychic to quiet everyone down.

As we were leaving, we heard a woman having an orgasm...It was battered...Yes...Classic!

Happy Birthday

2005-05-06T17:54:00.000-07:00

It is always nice when it's your Birthday and everyone makes an effort to say "Happy Birthday" or give you that "Pat on the Back" so to speak at work. Our Customer Service Rep. has everyone's B-Day on file, so she makes it a point to buy a Costco Cake and arranged a handful of people to meet in the break room to sing "The Song".

It's bad enough to have like three in a row every once in a while (Big Dealership) but I have to say that I just LOVE when someone's B-Day slips through the cracks! I have a tendency to mess around and get into people's heads a little too often and that is exactly what I did today!

John: Hey Ernie, do you know where Gina is?
Ernie: No, I don't...why? What's up?
John: Well, I'm off at 2 today and I wasn't sure (whispers) if she got me a cake.
Ernie: Oh...OH! (this is where I get evil) So they haven't told you? (pause) never mind.
John: What?...What?
Ernie: Look man, I don't want to get into any of your business ok...I'm here for my family and you should be looking out for yours. (I walk away)
John: (follows me) Is there something up? What happened...tell me Ernie...you know I would tell you.
Ernie: Think about it. (long stare)I don't have time for games man. Just watch your back and don't worry about a cake right now...it's the least of your worries.

I'm going to hell!

The Beat-Ern's

2005-05-05T09:30:00.000-07:00

There was this forum I checked out yesterday that asked what you would pick as your universal theme music. If you were walking in front of a huge window and saw your reflection, what music would come to mind? I quickly responded with "Cool Summer" from the Karate Kid Sound Track, becasue he was really cool and knew Karate and bagged himself a HOT white girl...but now I think I'd like to change my answer.

Remeber those Beatles concert clips, where everytime they said something, there was like 5-8 teenage girls that would scream at the top of their lungs? That's what I want! That would be soooooo cool...maybe even Super Cool?

( Ernie steps out of the Mini-Van and proceed's into the 99 cent Video Store. He opens the door and starts at the "Z's" and works his way opposite traffic. He get's to about the "E" section when suddenly/)

Guy at Counter: Need help finding anything?
Ernie: (smiles) You got anything I haven't seen?
Girls: AAAHHHYYYHHHAAAAHHYYHHAAAAAYYYHHYAAAAAHHH!!!!
Guy at Counter: Have you seen Blade Trinity? It's really good.
Ernie: (smiles and winks) Yes, It sucked.
Girls: AAAHHHYYYHHHAAAAHHYYHHAAAAAYYYHHYAAAAAHHH!!!!
Ernie: (smirks and rolls lip up a bit.) Actually, I'll take a VHS Classic...give me "The Karate Kid" Part II.
Girls: AAAHHHYYYHHHAAAAHHYYHHAAAAAYYYHHYAAAAAHHH!!!!
Guy at Counter: O.k. But don't you owe us $7?
Ernie: I'm flying this coop!
Girls: AAAHHHYYYHHHAAAAHHYYHHAAAAAYYYHHYAAAAAHHH!!!!
(Ernie and Girls exit back into Mini-Van and take off!)

That would be HELA-COOL! (still sounds wrong)

Rio Darling!

2005-05-04T13:58:00.000-07:00

I was driving to work this afternoon and noticed a personalized license plate on a Kia Rio. Who does this? It's like having a gold plated garbage can or scented and quilted tiolet paper...oh wait??? Anyways, I got to thinking who does this and why? I just got my assignement from the Cerritos Writer's Guild and they want as many Character evaluations as possible. Since I have been doing my best to write in my Blog everyday and my multiple personalities are always begging for attention, I figured why not kill two birds with one diamond stone.

For the next 2 weeks, we will write character bios. Either reply to this message or cut & paste the form below to create a character for a play. It can be a central character, protaganist, antagonist, supporting character, whatever! Just fill out the info for them.You can fill out as many as you want. The one with the most characters by Friday, May 20th will choose A#6. Have fun!

1. NAME: Elantra Williams
2. AGE: 23
3. BODY SIZE: I'm not Fat, I'm Fluffy!
4. RACE/BACKGROUND: African American...I'm a tootsie!
5. FAMILY INFO: Is the middle child of 5 step children from the same Mom
6. OCCUPATION: Security Guard at Walgreen's
7. LIVING SITUATION: Recently moved out and has her own place right near the walgreens wher she works, she rents a room from the Patel Family.
8. SPECIAL SKILLS: She is learning new ways to cook with Curry and her new found credit cards have made her some very new and exciting friends
9. WEAKNESSES: she can't find a comfortable pair of shoes and being on her feet all day is very taxing. She is considering getting a people mover and just writting it off at the end of the year.
10. WHAT DOES YOUR CHARACTER WANT IN LIFE (Objective): She wants to be able to have enough for the rent, the bills and the car note and still be able to party whenever she wants. She shouldn't have to drink whatever's there, and would be happy if she had enough to say "Crovasiere for everyone"!
11. WHAT IS IN THE WAY OF THEIR OBJECTIVE: The patels are filling her head with ridiculous ideas about saving money and going to school. Minja, the 15 year of Poonjabi and Jasminder, is already getting geared up for a try at medical school. She thinks they just need to live a lo-lo.
12. WHAT DO THEY DO TO GET THEIR OBJECTIVE: She takes Minja out for the night to see what she's missing! They "Borrow" the Mercedes and take to the street's of the LBC. They each learn how different they are, and while they live on the same planet, they truley are from different worlds.
13. ANY ADDITIONAL INTERESTING INFO ABOUT HIM/HER: She has a personalized license plate on her Kia Rio that reads: RIO-FINE

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...........................

Serve it up

2005-05-03T10:32:00.000-07:00

I normally play tennis with "The Blue Hairs" on mornings such as this. Off of work today and not much to do around the house...but I played a few sets last night with my bestest bud Forrest. We have played against each other for ages and I know I kicked his A$$ in H.S. but he refuses to admit it. (He went to Santa Fe and I went to Paramount) and we are pretty much even. I'll win a few and he'll win a few, but I have been winning way more than a "Few" lately and he's really starting to get frustrated.

Should I just tank the next time to make him feel better? We're both getting older and I think that if I let him win now, he'll just retire! I really think he'll do that. I've also noticed that he wants to play more frequently now that he can't beat me. So I'm affraid if I let him win, I'll lose more than a match...I'll lose a good laugh. And I laugh at him A LOT! As he's riunning for a drop shot or watching an Ace buzz past him! It sucks to be my friend! But at least he's good looking right?

Free Lunch

2005-05-02T15:29:00.000-07:00

I am a former store manager from Trak-Auto Parts and when you are a salaried employee (that doesn't get paid SQUAT!), you pick up a few technic's to get yourself a free lunch. I used an old, yet very effective, technic today that I would like to share with the internet world.

FREE LUNCH TIP #47

1) Take out any credit cards or ATM cards and any large bills from your purse or wallet and leave maybe 1 or 2 dollars in there ( if that's all you have...do you work for Trak-Auto? or maybe you're broke at the end of the month like me. :)...anyways)

2) Find yourself a very old coin. (this could be a nickle or dime, but I find that a quarter works best for some reason.)

3) Put said coin in your purse or wallet and either fold it up in a piece of paper or keep it in a pocket that's not being used by anything else. (you'll soon understand why.)

4) Right around lunch time, ask to see if anyone's hungry because you want to place an order over the phone. (any variation of this will work i.e. I'm going to Taco bell, anyone want anything?, Is your car blocking me, I'm going to lunch...want something?)

5) When they ask where you're going, repeat this word for word:
I'm not really sure, what are you in the mood for? (make direct eye contact and don't smirk or smile.)

6) If they hit you with some variation of "What do you want" or " I don't care either"...give them this line: Really, you decide, I'm so hungry I could eat anything. (then look straight down and don't look up until they pick a place)

7) Right after they decide, ask them if they are sure and once you have a solid commitment (and this may take a few attempts at you repeating step #6.) say this: Oh, let me see if I have enough. Shoot, I thought I had more than this...

8) Now they will either say they'll spot you this time and FREE LUNCH is your's or they'll ask you how much you have...if they ask how much you have (they are cheap and deserve what happens next), say what dollar amount you have (1 to 2 bucks and pause for 5 seconds) and them hit them with this: " I do have my Lucky ( quarter ) if you want it? (and proceed to take it out)

There reaction to this will always be, "Oh never mind, i'll get it this time" or something like that!

THIS IS 100% EFFECTIVE

Today I had Spaghetti and Meatballs, side salad and the (Honda) World famous Valentino's Bread Stix! I used my two bucks to buy soda's from the vending machine!

is this pure evil?

Hey Good Looking

2005-05-01T22:17:00.000-07:00

Someone made an observation after the show last night that I have nothing but good looking friends. I never gave it much thought, as I don't make it a point to check-out my friends wives...but I do have some pretty good looking guy friends (hey now!) and I guess that would land them some pretty good looking girls...right? It did work for me after all! So if you're good looking, there is a strong chance that someday, maybe with the right hair cut and dress style, you can be my friend.

and remember, it's not what's outside that counts, it's what other's perceive you to be! Look at Gweyn Steffani!

Show Last Night

2005-05-01T11:09:00.000-07:00

The O.C. Crazies "Mixed Nut's" had a show last night and it was pretty good...Yes...It was good. There was a packed house and aside from the normal pre-show drama...Someone was a ball of nerves? I wasn't feeling it? Someone was without pants? There was no change at the door? You know, normal stuff...It was a solid performance. I am absolutely sure we have way better in us, but the audience doesn't need to know that. I had some church friends come that had never seen my improv side, so they are all in shock now, which will be fun to play with for a while. I normally love the day after. I make it a point to e-mail everyone in the cast and tell them at least one good thing I saw them do the night before (always easy), but I'm a bit bummed this morning.

I'm going to have to miss a rehearsal this month (SFIF) so I wont be able to be in this May Show and will be graciously helping at the door. :( I know I get to Improv probably more than anyone in the cast, but it seems like we're on a very fast paced roll right now and I don't want to miss being a part of it. Oh well, I'm sure it's all for the best and maybe the cast is getting sick of me anyways! :{

Lemon Drop's

2005-04-29T22:49:00.000-07:00

It never fails. Whenever we have a show as Oh Manna, it seems that the smaller the audience, the more they have available for us to use. If it's a group of 15 couples at a Valentine's Dinner...We have 5 performers, five lapels, A/V capability with Power Point Presentation and an experienced guy for soundboard to do intro tracks.

We did a show tonight for a little over 200 people and this is how it went down. There are two lapel mics, a "Madonna" mic and a hand held. No sound and no A/V. So how should we sort out the mic situation...hhhmmm...lets think about it...

MC: Announces that dinner is served (5 seconds)
MC: Announces "Don't be shy when it comes to seconds" (10 seconds)
MC: Announces that the kitchen is now closed and in twenty minutes, it's improv time! (20 seconds)
MC: Announces 5 more minutes (5 seconds)
MC: Announces the Comedy Stylings of Oh Manna!!! (5 seconds)
MC: Announces "Have a great night" (15 seconds)
TOTAL TIME: 1 minute

Ernie, Forrest and John now do 50 minutes of improv to a room the size of an auditorium and have to rotate calling and handle a horn, bell, paper and pen, bucket full of lines and move around chairs from format to format.

Ernie: So we'll take the lapels and the madonna ok?
Contact: The MC is requesting the Madonna mic...you can have the 2 lapels and the hand held.
Ernie: That wont work...we need to have our hands available at all times...why cant the MC use the hand held?
Contact: He said he has to use the madonna...well atleast two of you will have a mic...right?
Ernie: We'll just 86 the whole idea...I think we'll be fine.

Killer show, the audience loved us from beginning to end! I love how hard, exciting, nerve racking, exhilirating and totally draining it is to do a three man show...really a great work-out and oh yeah...I need a lemon drop becasue Madonna made me lose my voice! *joy* and I have another show tomorrow too. :)

Gilligan's Island

2005-04-29T16:00:00.000-07:00

There is too much power in this world. I can't think of very many things that don't require a battery or plug of some kind. I bet this world would be better off if we had to supply our own power to stuff we wanted to do. Remember when the castaways on Gilligan's Isle put that stage together for Ginger and it had lights and a stage (but they can't patch a freakin hole in a boat) and Gilligan was over to the side with this little bicycle thing supplying the power to the lights?

That's what I'm talking about!

Wife: Hey Honey, want to go out for dinner tonight?
Husband: (looks over to little wooden charger bike and knows the nearest decent place to eat is a 45 minute work-out.) I was thinking we could nuke some left-overs!
Wife: (looks over to microwave and knows its 10 minutes on the bike to heat up a meal) How about some Mac-N-Cheese?
Kids: Can we play a Video game Dad? (they love the charger bike)
Husband: give me 45 minutes on the bike first and I'll let you play One game.

There would be less traffic, more family time and everyone would have some killer legs!

Super Powers

2005-04-28T14:42:00.000-07:00

I'm off today and enyoing the fruits of my labor. I took my wife (Katy) and our kids (The KT Bunch) out for breakfast this morning to The International House of Pancakes! Yes! Very nice...the hostess looked like she was maybe 18 and on crack! and her hair looked like she had just gotten a promotion in the back managers office, if you know what I mean. The breakfast was delicious and then we were off to Nana's (grandmother's) house for a quick visit and finished off the day at the park.

At the park, I was watching the KTBunch play and interact with other kids and at one point I noticed my 2 year old with her waist on a swing and looking down as if she was flying. Do you remember doing that? I do. And I remeber wanting to have e.s.p. and be invisible. So my mind wandered as it usually does and I asked myself if I could have only one Super Power, what would I chose? I struggled for a while with great choices like Flying, Super Strength and the ability to heal myself and finally it came to me!

My Super Power would be Shape Shifting...kiss THAT Atkins!

Super Cool

2005-04-27T11:18:00.000-07:00

I caught myself saying "Super Cool" today and I am now wondering if that is even an expression that is IN. Or was it ever in?...I'm getting old. I know that "the powers that be" got rid of Super-Sizing, and there have been many failed attempts of bringing Superman back to the big screen, so has "super" come and gone. Has it been conquered by Dope, Off the Hook, and newer words like Hella that my friend Marc wants to make famous by repeating them over and over until they sound natural?

Let me see.....

Ernie is Dope Hot
Ernie is Off The Hook Hot
Ernie is Hella Hot

I think I like

Ernie is Super Hot!

Long live the Word SUPER!!!!

What's for Dinner?

2005-04-26T12:41:00.000-07:00

I'm doing an Improv show this Friday and the contact asked me what the Troupe would like for dinner. They have all kinds of Restaurants in the area and she said that whatever we wanted, they would be more than happy to have it ready for us when we arrive. There were so many options to chose from!

For a moment I thought that maybe I can have them pick up a little of everything from everywhere, but would that be to J-Lo? I want steamed rice, beef and broccholi, a Tiger roll, pasta alfredo, two enchilada's with a cesar salad and one large Horchata, a Diet Coke w/lime and a Mango-a-go-go with adrenalin boost.

While I don't perform for the $$$ (I pay for it in some cases) it is nice to be treated this way from time to time. Now am I letting it go to waste becasue I don't want to be viewed as a DEVA? I guess while we wait for showtime on Friday drinking water and chowing on a Pizza, the answer will come to me.